I think for revision it would be good to incorporate more of that wonderful voice from the first line into the rest of the story. That first line also signaled to me that this was a story being told to someone, which made me ask, who is telling this story? And why? Also, who is the recipient of this tale?

There are so many possibilities, here. What if this tale is being told in the modern-day? Why would this story about a hero who fails be important to hear right now? What might it inspire in others?

One option is that you create a frame story, in which we get glimpses of who the storyteller is and for who this story is being told. But there are many ways you can work this story. Looking forward to reading the revision.